Saturday, January 28, 2012

Big, Honkin' Boobs!

The drought is over. I've decided, as the saying goes, that if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Today, you get boobs.

According to in-depth research I've done regarding my posts here, topics like science are boring. Not just a little bit boring, either. Skull-crushingly boring. In fact, even with help from The Bloggess (via traffic from her site to mine), my post on Centripetal Force garnered the highest ratio of page views to lack of comments I've ever received*. What does that mean? It means boring.

Therefore, you will all now be treated to Big, Honkin' Boobs. (Wait! Slow down on the clicky finger, Sparky!).

Before you click on that link (which is quite safe, I assure you) you need to know that I use the word "boobs" differently than many people. To me, a Boob is a stupid person; a fool; a dunce (as defined on Many people are boobs. Lest you think me harsh or judgmental, even I am a boob, for thinking I could post shit that was somewhat educational without it being duller than an unpolished bowling ball.

Sure, some of you commented, and for that I am pitifully grateful. Some of you actually read it, too. For that I'm not sure what I am. Some of you refrained from commenting out of the kindness of your hearts, so as not to make me look like a boob. For that, I will gladly father your children or buy you ice cream - your choice.

Have I learned my lesson regarding what to blog about? Hardly. I'm a boob. I don't learn lessons well. In fact, in all likelihood, I'm probably an evolutionary dead end**. I would self-describe as someone who acts before thinking. "The Defiant Marshmallow?" Oh yeah, he's definitely a 'Ready! Fire! Aim!' kind of guy."
You all don't know just how lucky you are the world didn't end shortly after August, 1984***.

So sit back, enjoy the boobs, and feel free to stroke my fragile ego by commenting - or not. I no longer know if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

*Best ever ratio of views to comments: A post that contained references to sex, stupidity, and had the word "naked" in it. Coincidence? Nay, methinks.

**Too late. Just dawned on me that I already procreated. Four times.

***I was taught to assemble and fire a tactical nuclear weapon. Thankfully, I was never actually given one to play with.


  1. I fell for every one of your links here. Boobs. There's just no not clicking when that's the topic.

  2. Award time for you...because I'm crafty like that.

  3. I am still catching up on my blog reading, so haven't read the science one. I get distracted easily. Will read it now. Wait... what I am supposed to stroke?

  4. @Mrs. Tuna: Thank you! You are a crafty one!
    @Nubian: I'll pretend I didn't read that.
    (because if I think about it too much my blood pressure will drop and I might hyperventilate and pass out)

  5. I'll take the ice cream, please, thank you. Oh wait, I actually have to read the post on Centripetal Force first and then not comment on it, right? Shoot. Well, maybe I will but the title definitely sounds boooring. I didn't actually read this post for the title, either, my eyes just started going down the page. Regardless, of why I read it, I was not tempted to click the boobs link either. Don't get me wrong. I can see it from dbs's point of view (hilarious comment above). But I have to go pick up my daughter from school and leaving a comment on a post usually takes me a long time. Maybe I'll get back to the boobs link, too. Anyway, I'm glad I found your blog, it's funny. Anyone who can make a metaphor out of an unpolished bowling ball and make it work can count me as a follower.

    1. PS. I only chose "I will bear your child" as a reaction due to the lack of any better choices.

  6. @The Mommy Patient: Thanks! Feel free to click away on the boobs link. It's safe. dbs trusts me to not ruin his day, so he plays along and clicks on my linkies. By the way, his blog is one you should be following for some real pro-level blogging and writing. Not that you can't follow the old marshmallow too. You can, and I'd be oh, so happy.

    Oh, and thanks for the disclaimer on the choice of check boxes. I mean, we hardly know each other and all.